Chef vs Tolpok
by The Lightning Knight
Summary: A chef's Vulcan veggie soup with a "touch of home" causes a Vulcan and a half Vulcan to hit Pon Farr a little early.... This is by a friend of mine


My friend wrote this as a part of a story. These are his characters, and they serve on a starship that he made. For more on this guy, he's a character in my "Teen Geeks: Star Trek Encounters" story.

DISCLAIMER: I nor my friend own Star Trek!

* * *

"Come on, Tolpok," I said to the Vulcan beside me at the bar, "where's the fun of using the replicators? There's no soul in the food you get from those!"

"Mr. Fletcher, I have no prior experience with this cook's food, and would rather trust my health to the replicators."

"Aw, come on," I nudged him in the shoulder, "Just try his cooking once. If you do, I promise that I won't bug you about it again."

Toplok considered it for a moment and said, "Very well, those are reasonable terms." He looked towards the kitchen and raised his voice to be heard, "Excuse me, Chef!"

"Eh, ya want something?" Came the reply from behind the wall separating the kitchen from the bar, accompanied by a clatter of pots and pans as Chef rearranged his kitchen from the outside in.

"My friend here recommends your cooking, and I would like to know if you are familiar with any traditional Vulcan recipes."

"Vulcan recipes? Of course I know 'em. What chef worth their spices doesn't?"

"Ah, in that case I would like to have some Vulcan vegetable stew."

"Veggie stew, can do," Chef appeared for the first time today, his face covered in stubble and a cigar in his mouth, "I hope you don't mind if I put a touch of home in it."

"Not at all," Tolpok said, "You are the head chef, and have full rights to alter recipes to your own standards."

Chef just smiled and disappeared behind his little wall again. Minutes later, he had Tolpok's stew out and ready to eat. I had seen and smelled Vulcan food before, and this both looked and smelled much less bland that these foods usually came. Tolpok clearly noticed too, and pointed it out.

"I see that you have taken some liberties with the spices,"

"Like I said, taste of home. Can't have good Cajun cooking without some ka-pow," Chef gave another devious smile as he disappeared back into the kitchen.

The last statement actually made Tolpok look a little nervous. Tolpok stirred the stew a bit, and took a spoonfull. His entire face lit up, and he actually grinned! He went back and took another sip, and another after that. Clearly, he liked the stew enough to keep eating.

"I must say, Mr. Fletcher, you were right. The chef's food is quite pleasing to the senses. Also, the spice is quite strong. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, but I do believe that I might have this variation of the dish some other time in the future."

Tolpok kept eating, and was almost a quarter of the way through the bowl when he suddenly dropped his spoon with a clatter.

"What? This… is not logical! What is?"

"Tolpok?" Ainsworth leaned over from Tolpok's right, "What's wrong?"

"I'm not sure," Tolpok was shaking slightly now, "My head, it… It would be logical for me to go to sickbay."

"Okay," Ainsworth nodded slowly, "I'll take you. Come on."

The two got up to leave, and were at the door to leave when it slid open before them. In walked Commander Wildman, the Chief Science Officer. Tolpok stopped dead and stared. Before anyone knew what was happening, Tolpok had almost jumped onto the Commander and was kissing her. I didn't know much about Vulcans, but this was definitely not normal. Seconds later, a very wide-eyed Tolpok jumped backwards and almost screamed.

"This isn't LOGICAL!" and he ran away so fast, he might as well have used warp drive. Commander Wildman was almost equally as wide eyed, and just as confused, as she walked in and sat down in the seat Tolpok had just vacated.

"The more I see of the galaxy, the less sure I am of any logic whatsoever. Thank goodness I'm part human," she muttered before calling back into the kitchen, "Chef? Can you fix me a bowl of Vulcan Vegetable Stew?"

Of course, I had to stay and see what happened, so I made an excuse of slowly finishing my meal of… some kind of pizza. Chef served the Commander a bowl of stew identical to the one he had served Tolpok. I wasn't sure that he had seen what had happened moments ago, but I wouldn't have put it past him to have done this intentionally. Within a couple minutes, Commander Wildman had finished the stew completely. I looked to see if there were any visible changes in her behavior, and I think that she was shaking slightly.

"Commander?"

"Yes," he voice sounded slightly strained and very confused, "How may I help you, Ensign?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm not…" before she said anymore, she shot out a hand and grabbed the collar of my shirt. Before I had a clue what in the galaxy was happening, I felt her kissing me! A Vulcan was kissing me! I didn't have time to either enjoy it or be freaked out by it, because the next thing I knew, she had pulled away and the last thing I saw was her wide eyes and her fist flying towards my face.

I came to, sort of, in sickbay. My vision faded in and out for several moments before I could make out a nurse leaning over me. I tried to smile. She stuck a hyprospray into my neck.

"Son of a…" I began to yell, before seeing the doctor standing across from my bed, and Tolpok and Wildman in separate beds beside him. I decided to finish my curse, but milder and quieter, "… Romulan."

I took a moment to sit up on the sickbay bed and take in the scene. It haunts me to this day. Tolpok may have been sitting up, but his head was hanging almost to his knees in such a way that his spine might as well have been made of rubber. Wildman, on the other hand, looked slightly drugged up on… something.

"Well, Ensign Fletcher, it seems you are still alive," the doctor said way too matter-of-factly, "That's fortunate. Now you have learned a lesson that few if any people know about Vulcan physiology. It would seem that cayenne pepper is a Pon Farr stimulant."

"Pun Faww?" I tried to say, but my tongue was getting numb from the drug the nurse had administered, "Whut ez Pun Faww?"

"I'll leave that to you to find out. Mr. Tolpok has asked that I not discuss Vulcan mating rituals in front of others, and I heartily agree with him. You should all be fit to return to duty in a few hours, so if you want to know you can ask him."

"I think I'll pazz. Kan I go tu my quaterz?"

"Not until I'm done treating your broken nose. Now, lie back down."


End file.
